Friday, September 12, 2014

One Race I Won't Run if I Don't Get Into the Boston Marathon

I registered for the Boston Marathon this morning. At this point, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I get into the 2015 race by surviving the registration process.

I am looking for a solid "plan B" should I not get in. One race I will not be running next February is the North Korea "Axis of Evil" Marathon.  It may be obvious, but here are the top ten reasons I'm NOT lacing it up with Kim Jung Un.

1) Ponytails and short shorts are not allowed. Not fair to the women, and what, I'm supposed to run in jeans? What fun is that?
2) Weird post-race food tables with proteins I don't recognize and missing the obvious favorites of bagels, bananas, and chocolate milk. Not sure what they have against bagels unless it's some symbol of the devil.
3) "Axis of Evil" is a great heavy metal band name or may look good on a t-shirt, but it gives me the heebie jeebies and causes travel trepidation.

4) State enforced curfews lead to pretty thin crowds as darkness turns to light in the early stages of the morning race.
5) There are laws on what haircuts are allowed (true story.) This causes pause with my normal pre-race local haircut ritual.
6) Rumors of friend with sign "If it was easy, it would be called your mother," disappeared as did the sign.
7) Public display of sweat leads to public display of "caning."
8) There's no way I can't slip out a few "F-bombs" around mile 20 as I normally ask, "why the F--- am I doing this again?" I don't want to ask what the penalty is for certain four-letter words.
9) If you run like you stole something, you might get shot for stealing something.
10) First place, firing squad (someone with a funny haircut is supposed to come in first,) second place work camp, third place, you don't want to know.

Let's hope I get into Boston.

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Average guy w/ an above average appetite for marathon racing and triathlons. Ran my 5th Boston in '15. 3:21, 1:29, 19:21 PR;full/half/5K Opinions & wit are mine